Wow, I cannot believe it has been 4 years since I last posted. I can believe it at the same time. I am so easy to distract and I forget things often. I had just decided to try to start writing my experiences, and ta dah, I already have a wordpress site. Not that my stories will be interesting to anyone else, but they define who I have become and who I am becoming, and I have a lot of them. I worked at my last job as a chemo nurse until Aug. 31, 2016. The office was purchase by a medical center and I had trouble finding a job. I decided to try things other than nursing. I worked at a friends dog grooming and kennel for about 2 months. I absolutely loved it and was improving, but thanks to carpal tunnel issues I couldn’t do it. That made me sad because I truly enjoyed working with the animals. So I decided to try my hand at retail. Compaired to nursing the pay is an unliveable low, but it has been so fun and stress free. At one nursing job I made in 1 month what I’ve made over six months in retail, but the mental break has been absolutely wonderful. I’m getting ready to look for a nursing job again, mainly due to money.
During this time of non-nursing, I have discovered that I’m quick to learn new skills. I have not been very sure of myself until recently. I was “stuck” in an oncology rut after working in that area for over 28 years of my 35 year career. This time has really shown me my flexibility. I think for a while I would like to try working with dual diagnosis recovery. I’ve been sober myself for 23 years and love my recovery life. I was ashamed of saying I was an alcoholic (even one in recovery) because of the “stigma” of alcoholism. Now I am fully aware I have far fewer problems and that I’m far less problematic to others. What is the shame in that? It’s not like I grew up thinking “I want to be an alcoholic”. Anyone that knows me for any length of time knows I’m in recovery. It has made me available for others to talk to about their issues or issues with loved ones. The longer I’m around the recovery community the more I’ve come to realize how fatal this disease is. The epidemic of addiction is getting worse and I’ve decided to #recoveroutloud. Even when things seem bad I’ve been given the emotional maturity to respond with a little more reason and not a kneejerk reaction based on fear. Most of my fears have been made worse by the way I used to think. I have very few fears today, financial or otherwise and it is so freeing to be able to take life as it comes, when it comes.
Now, getting to the downsizing thing. I wrote about downsizing 4 years ago and have been interested longer than that. My house is gone, along with about 90% of my stuff. I’ ve moved in with my oldest daughter and my possesions fit in my bedroom and on one set of shelves in the garage. I’ve discovered I really don’t need half the stuff I brought so I will be culling the excess again. I try to help with the kids when I can so she can do things. She has 3 children. I laugh every day living here. As I begin to look for a new nursing job, I have been considering which direction of tiny will be best for me. I thought about a mobile tiny house, but I’m reconsidering. I think I want to get an RV first or convert a bus. I have toyed with the idea of travel nursing and the thought of just being able to tote my house sounds great, but realistically it would be easier to just drive or pull a lightweight trailer. Then I can use that for short term living and for trips with the grandkids. Eventually I think I will be most comfortable in a house with 400-500 square feet. That’s all the space I want. That is small, but it would give me room for guests on occasion whereas tiny houses aren’t easily adaptable for guests. So I guess I’m still in the tiny frame of mind, but not so much super tiny. This is a debate with myself in progress still. No finalized decision, but I have connected with a couple of reputable tiny house builders for some information on costs and weight (for towing reasons).
It is time to reconnect to family members and friends I have lost touch with due to my thoughtlessness and fears. I am trying to head to a life where that is possible. Things are not important, people are. As I get rid of more things I am connecting far more deeply with the people around me and I love that. This is just a step in my life journey and I am embracing the journey with all the good and bad now like never before. Wary but not terrified of change – it is a process after all. I’ve actually gotten to the point that I look forward to a different future than the one I had envisioned and it energizes me just to think about it (on most days).